Monday, January 27, 2014

Meltdown Moment: From Wife to Caregiver?

That moment when you realized that you went from being your husband's wife to "caregiver!!!!!!

My husband had returned from an appointment and shared that the doctor made a suggestion that I apply for the VA Caregiver Program.  To be quite honest I felt offended! For goodness sake I'm his wife of seven years and now I am going to be reduced to a mere "caregiver"!! Really?  I don't think so!

The word itself gave me the "heebie jeebees"!  I don't want to be known as his caregiver and nevertheless feel like the hired help!  Can you feel me on this?


Sunday, January 19, 2014

Night Terrors

Hello All,

I've realized that I have not posted an update since September 2013.  Forgive me! It has been very hectic and overwhelming with moving to another city, and dealing with many other changes.

Since my last post "Identity Crisis" we have moved to a city which is quite calmer.  In other words "boring".  Besides that the beach is only ten minutes away from our new home, our only excitement is Walmart!  It is definitely a retired community!

As I mentioned in my previous post, my husband has been struggling with his identity.  It has been very challenging for him and for me as his wife.  There are moments that I just want to shake him and tell him to wake up but then again that wouldn't help.  As much as I desire for him to return to the man I married, I am fully aware that his experiences were real and they torment him especially in his dreams.

There are times I have found him squatting like a child in the bathroom shaking and crying because he re-lived a crisis during combat.  My husband lost many friends and have also taken upon the guilt of losing them.  I can never understand the pain he feels because I've never been in his shoes.  I can only sympathize with him for I have seen many war movies but nonetheless it is not the same.

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